Sunday, April 15, 2007

Joe... Jimmy... I'm so sorry

A few months back, I praised the Sci-Fi original movie Painkiller Jane. By Sci-Fi standards especially, it was awesome. I went in with trepidation, I kept waiting for it to suck like so many other superhero concepts put on TV, but I was amazed that it was... good. You had a solid character, good acting, a tight story, entertaining action, and a great set up for a new series. And it was especially cool to see a comic book concept be given such great treatment on TV.

So I was stoked when I heard about the PKJ series. I wasn't sure about the cast change, since I liked the original Jane. But I want to give it a shot. Then the commercials aired. I find out that they are rewriting her origin. Why? The setup was already perfect. That was my first red flag, but I remained optimistic because surely it would at least stick with the spirit of the movie.

Ooooooooohhhh Lord was I wrong. If you were curious about this show, don't waste any more brain cells on it. It's not worth it. It was bad. It was 'Elektra' bad. It was 'Nick Fury' bad. ... It was 'Mantis' bad.

Lokken delivers this stilted voiceover that puts you to sleep. She acts more robotic as this "tough as nails" cop than she did in Terminator 3. And the dialogue. Oh good God the dialogue.

The very first line of the show is a voiceover: "Dad always called me his painkiller Jane"

WHY would he do that!? That sounds almost creepy. What kind of demented family did you come from? Not to mention it's beyond lame to force the name of the character into their backstory like that. ... Like in Punisher. -_-

I'd say it was Punisher bad, but Punisher was better.

But that was just the opening line right? I mean not everyone can do good voiceovers. Just ask Harrison Ford. But the dialogue never got better. I've never heard so many terrible and utterly nonsensical one liners in my life. Steven Segal would be confused by what was coming out of these people's mouths.

Okay I want to stop ranting, but I can't. The worst episodes of Birds of Prey were better than this crap.

Okay no they weren't, but it was still garbage.

I want that forty-five minutes of my life back. I want the forty-five minutes I took to write this blog back. Sci Fi owes me an hour and a half dammit. Why are they only capable of airing ONE good show at any given time??

I have a pretty good hunch that the reason the original movie was so good was because Joe Quesada and Jimmy Palmiotti's names were in the credits. The actual creators of the character were involved in the creative direction, or at least the production. Concept.

I did not notice their names in the credits this time around. My guess is they just sold the rights and walked away with their check. I'm not saying I blame them. I can't say I wouldn't do the same thing in their shoes.

But is still sucks for consumers of this brand of entertainment. It's another example of what happens when networks who have no love for the source material take over something good.