Any person of faith will inevitably go through a time when that faith is challenged, often to the point where they are forced to question it. I've had more of those moments than I'm proud to admit.
The book of Job from the Old Testament was about a man on top of the world. He had everything he could ever want; health, riches, a beautiful family. And he watched it all go up in smoke for reasons he could never understand much less control. The point of the story was to show us how a man's soul can survive any amount of hardship so long as he has faith.
Ever since I made the decision to leave consulting and go into tech support, that side of my life has just been one disaster after another. I've been laid off twice, bounced between contracts, somehow managed to survive 18 months unemployment, and now I'm about to be on severance again in three weeks. I don't want to believe that life is a zero sum game, but for most of the last six years, it feels like I've just been trying to recoup my losses.
Now I was never as prosperous as Job, and I haven't fallen as low or faced nearly as much as he did, so I am keeping this in perspective. I know I'm only getting a tiny taste of what he must have felt. And one clear difference between us is my downhill road began with a decision that was firmly my own. I acknowledge all of that.
It's just that when you think you're doing everything right, doing the things that you think God wants you to do for what you think are the right reasons, but you can't seem to scrape out more than a mundane existance despite your best intentions and efforts, it's hard to turn down the RSVP to the pity party.
Just as clearly as I've recognzied the things that have kept me from getting ahead as being beyond my control, I've recognized those things that have kept me from hitting bottom, too. Every time I'm afraid the bottom is about to drop out, God does two things. He catches me. And he reminds me of why I chose this path.
Nocturnal Essence and Redshift have hit a scheduling speed bump, but it won't last past March. Both books are scripted at least an issue ahead and our talented pool of creators is still working. Some are just recovering from bumps of their own.
In July, Rogue Wolf is going to be at the San Diego Comic-Con. We will have great artwork adorning our booth and we'll have new books to sell. No "I hope" qualifier in there. We will. That's a hell of a lot more than I could say last year (or the two years before that).
My comics career looks like it might finally be coming out of its forty months in the wilderness. I doubt you'll be seeing me on the cover of Wizard any time soon, but if you follow the indie press market at all, you will be hearing our name come up a lot more in the near future.